RG Veda: Nipple Tassels are GO!

Still working on 6-10 of my top ten, but I figured I might as well add something for the laaaaaaaaaaaadies.

This one goes out to my sister, my anime comrade-in-arms during the tragically sensitive period of that I explored the animation of the heathen-filled far east.

When seeking out fire-wielding, effeminate characters accept no substitutes. Let's flutter about in ecstatic discussion of RG Veda.





(Ashura goes berserk after activating her THX sound system, the audience is burning.)

So let's jump in before I get to the weird stuff.

After a hostile takeover of the Kingdom of Heaven by a dude who is so powerful he has to wear nipple tassels to keep his power in control, the daughter of King Ashura is saved by her would-be assassin and a prophecy is revealed detailing how Ashura would gather 5 comrades or stars and seize both her revenge and control of Heaven setting things to right.

The anime itself jumps into the story utilizing a fun media res going right into the action with Ashura and crew killing the hell out of a ridiculous number of people while "on the run" from Taishakuten's forces that our heroes tend to cut through like they were sticks of butter. Sadly, the anime only touches on a fraction of what could have been a totally badass, epic series. It's still awesome, but 2 episodes is a tease.


(opening for episode 1 in japanese language, I have no idea what language the subtitles are in. I'd guess, but I'd guess wrong probably. Make a point to watch them cut through people and then the neat opening.)

1st there's an isolated incident revealing a lot about Yasha's past in an altercation with a demon-girl who is obsessed with him. It's also meant to demonstrate the adoptive father/daughter relationship between Ashura and Yasha implying that their bond is so mystically powerful that none can break it. This episode is mostly the weak sauce pushing the bonds of characters you're being introduced to for the first time with other mysterious forces wandering about affecting the story making confusion soup. It's not necessarily a bad story, but this is a bad point to start IN the story and most of it feels like a chore or at least an unecessary sidequest.


(Nipple Tassels. Also, opening battle for ep 2 showing King Asura versus Taishakuten. What? You thought I would lie about nipple tassels?)

2nd there's a bungled raid seeking the final party member in the bad guy's castle. This focuses a lot on Ashura's parental void following her attempted murder by her own mother whom she runs into during her rampage through the castle. More complicating factors are introduced, including Asura's half-brother, the ineptitude of the 4 generals of Heaven and a revelation during a flashback of King Ashura's final battle with Taishakuten and his mysterious last words that apparently put Taishakuten's nipple tassels on end. It's an exciting episode that really puts the story in perspective and just when things are finally on track... it ends. Forever. No more. Go read the manga suckers.


(AMV featuring two things: First there's clips of RG Veda's action scenes secondly you're hearing the "Forces" song from Berserk.)

Many of you who know or care are already well aware that this is part of the library of girly-girl artist/writer cabal CLAMP, a notoriously genius/weird/perverse group of women whose stuff usually sells like hotcakes. As this was part of the initial anime push from their world of stuff they stopped and stayed stopped at 2 episodes. You'll know them from Cardcaptors, Tokyo Babylon, X/1999 and other stuff. I'm not necessarily being dismissive (maybe a little, I am an asshole after all), but fuck man... they're CLAMP! If you aren't aware who they are this second stand NEAR anime nerds and ask who they are, you'll have 20 different, freaky and highly appreciative reactions as they freak out. So, I don't care to do much in the way of homework being that anyone usually getting involved in anime has more CLAMP experience than I do and by people I mean THE LADIES.

Girls LOVE Clamp because of their typically androgynous art style, love-based subplots, intertwining stories from across their respective franchises, and strange penchant for violence. Why? I dunno. I just work here.

Let's touch on androgyny some more. My little sister is, without a doubt, sharpening something as she reads this because I didn't mention or rather ignored this point for the sake of a clear anime review altogether. Ashura is literally androgynous and is looked upon as such. Or something. As I recall, I think he/she's able to choose able to choose his/her gender for... some reason. Maybe I don't know this because they decided to NOT MENTION IT in the anime so I don't feel too guilty for not having details.


(Ashura/Asura, careful with your comments. That MIGHT be a dude. Or something.)

In the anime it refers to Ashura as a HER, or at least in the CPM translation and that's good enough for me because they don't waste time on this goofy plot point. All I ever gave a shit about was the fact that she looks like an adorable little elf-girl, wields a sword that looks like glass and unleashes fiery devastation when she's upset. That's all I need to hear. It also makes more sense for the personality that they convey in the anime for her to be a girl and the voice actress helps, then again maybe Ashura behaves differently in the manga, but I wouldn't know because I'm not planning on wasting my time reading the damn thing since they didn't want to waste their time producing more anime that I would enjoy.

As far as the dub is concerned it's a typically awful CPM dub that makes us all cry our eyes out and there's not much more I can add to that except to have you taste youtube samples. My sister and I enjoyed the original Japanese (sans subtitles) at a convention and we were sold on it, spoiled for anything but the audible ecstacy of the japanese language track. We wanted more and we wanted it NOW as we pointed to RG Veda and then to our veins.

Seriously, give us more and put it in our veins. Now. I'm not kidding. NOW.

Instead for reasons I'm almost too mad to care about, we're forced to subsist on this massive tease of great anime. In spite of this, I strongly recommend checking out RG Veda if you can snatch it following the demise of CPM because it's got great style, action and men that ALMOST look badass whilst wearing nipple tassels on their armor.

It would make a kickass JRPG too, but I guess that's asking for too much.


(More than a feeling...? A weird AMV detailing the antics of Ashura & Yasha when they cross over into Clamp's new exercise in artistic masturbation, Tsubasa Chronicles.)

In writing this I did a little homework and apparently a now very ADULT Ashura pairs up with Yasha in a relationship that is much more than professional. The definition of Ashura's gender isn't necessarily settled, but since Ashura is still sounding, acting and looking like a woman I am going to make an assertion that SHE made up her fucking mind about her nethers. Or something.

Oh yeah, this is all from Tsubasa Chronicles, the recent mid-air collision of Clamp's respective franchises. Their closure for the RG Veda characters seen in this clip is what I usually refer to as "bullshit" considering how little love they gave this kickass series anyway in anime form, using this as a swan song or even as a side reference offends my delicate sensibilities. All involved are welcome to fuck themselves.

Since you might be wondering what I think of Clamp, I like 'em just fine. I used to respect them more, but then I bothered breezing through some of their Manga and other anime series. They've got some weird things that they push on their stories just for pretentious weirdness and that's usually enough to dislodge me from interest, which is shame because otherwise they are great storytellers and outside of stuff like nipple tassels they are amazing artists.

They aren't going to hurting for my lack of money though as there will always be tweens, teens and laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadies swooning over their many manwomen and the womanmen that love them. But then have to kill them.

Ah, romance.