I'M RANTING: Just DIE already!

Shut up and FINISH THE JOB!!! Make them stop talking!


(A collection of anime deaths put to music. That's a little creepy, but perfect for this topic.)

Let's start with a generic example:

Two men who’ve been fighting a bloody fight for roughly six ACTUAL hours of your viewing are now chatting like pals as one bleeds to death in the street after the good guy punched clear through his opponent's chest, his fist wet with dripping red remnants of life after bursting from the bad guy's back. This bloody exchange being the final punctuation in an epic tale leading to the ultimate closure with a gruesome reward.

The character dying has caused the death of the other character’s goldfish, wife, fifteen children, best friends, dog, cat, parents, horse and llama. Yet, the surviving character, a heroic protagonist, is holding the evil bastard’s hand patiently listening to his dying words while a tear forms at the edge of his eye and a flashback sequence shows that the bad guy was sexually abused by reindeer as a kid and blames the protagonist for having a yard full of grass and our protagonist appears to mourn the baddie's passing.

This is a typical event used by lazy anime and comic writers to characterize a bad guy in their final moments and eat up screen time in order to stall for additional production time or a way to write themselves out of a corner. Not that the Japanese are the ONLY culprits guilty of this cop-out, but they are one of the most consistent culprits and certainly the most successful in spite of their wanton misuse of this particular gimmick. Also, this is an anime blog first and foremost so I'll pick my fights accordingly.

The De-Evilfying Deathbed Confession typically appears in the twilight hours of a storyline, but it is used most frequently in fighting anime like the infamously shallow Dragonball franchise as well as better written shows like Yu Yu Hakusho and Bleach. But let's be clear, it’s not limited to whiz-bang style action, in fact it’s the same BS used at the end of powerful girly drama, Fushigi Yuugi (AKA Mysterious Play), where an incredibly evil character dies revealing that as a child his pretty face ensured a life of ceaseless rape and abuse (It's Japanese, after all) at the clutches of a creepy royal type, which is why the baddie murdered, tortured and manipulated members of his own team while he happily butchered the good guys in a sadistic fashion, writhing in delight as they suffered. Ultimately, so he, like many anime cliche types, can exercise his nihilistic tendencies and end the world instead of wishing for a better life or something.

So he was misunderstood and now we feel sorry for the bad guy suddenly? Well… No, not really. His actions were the very definition of unforgivable. It's not terribly effective when blurted out near the end of the story when the satisfaction of the baddies' satisfying demise is already on your mind.

Here's a positive example of what these guys are trying to attempt: Darth Vader's change of heart and tearful reunion with his son making for a heartwarming redemption to the most evil character imaginable bringing a powerful saga to a close in its third act. It's not a random change of heart either, everything from body language, to the way they fought, to specific choices in dialogue show Vader's hesitation, affection and pride in reacting to how far his child has come as the movies have developed him into a very human character in spite of the evil acts we see him doing (like choking someone to death every 15 minutes). Vader was a complicated dude and the audience needs to see that if they're going to feel the same sense of loss that anime tends to attempt to convey.

In anime, it’s a clichéd and desperate gamble to toy with the audience’s heartstrings while a supposedly integral character is played offstage and the protagonist that made the fatal blow is made into a fucking saint because they showed emotion at seeing their foe perish. Since the writing was obviously only planned so far in advance, production has to step in to make up for the story’s shortcomings by throwing in flashbacks, flowery visuals and strange visual ticks to make the scene impact the audience and the two never seem to meet on the same page so it's stupid and it looks weird.

When used in moderation there’s no problem, in fact it’s often an amazingly effective tool in high end drama that, when used properly, causes a rift in the audience’s ability to judge a character painting the entire story leading up to this one character’s loss in shades of an uncomfortable gray. See in THAT context, it’s no problem! It’s even flexible enough to be used to twist things making a hero into the worst villain imaginable.


There’s no shame in admitting you’re not b-b-bulletproof. However, when you cram in a really cool idea as a method of covering up your inadequacies you cheapen EVERYTHING that your touch.

For instance, Dragon Ball Z doesn’t necessarily milk the revelation/twist aspect of death too hard, but Bleach won’t stop. They kill bad guys all the time in Bleach (A cast of thousands fall on Ichigo & Co's weapons liek they're raking motherfuckin' LEAVES), while with DBZ it doesn’t require a much save for a lot of balls to just shrug off a terminal condition like say… DEATH.

On the other hand, Bleach can’t decide how BAD the bad guys are supposed to be as every evil dude’s death triggers a pace-killing flashback that can run for a few minutes or an entire set of episodes and that’s not even counting how long it takes them to actually freakin’ die! DBZ baddies essentially give their own eulogies before croaking and these guys wipe out three planets before lunch—Lunch being a tray of live babies, because DBZ baddies are rarely ambiguous about their moral orientation.Vegeta being their only shade of gray.

Basilisk chews at the bone of this problem like the marrow will cure it’s wholly stupid ending. Basilisk in particular doesn’t know how to keep dead people DEAD or stay with the fact that hideous, evil, cannibalistic; rapist scumbags were inherently vile from the start. It even goes so far as to have heartwarming flashback episodes before the conflict that killed them all, showing them in cute settings like trying to cure hiccups, playful mischief kicking a fat man down a mountain, etc. After all this they STILL try for the mid-death flashback to a tragic origin that explains why the architect of everyone’s horrific misery acted as he did because his family was caught in the crossfire leaving him orphaned.

Does it soften your anger? Does it stifle your rage? Does it do anything to really hinder your loathing for the character? Not if you're human and have a functioning brain! Lots of orphans have gone through life without going on hundred year murder sprees so that scarcely gives this asshole an excuse for literally murdering clans over and over for generations.

Tuning in to Bleach I felt it necessary to peck at this particular gripe after seeing it abused so eagerly in anime for years. After seeing a guy who was SO evil he changed form into some monstrous fly-thing and in his final moments after having his throat gouged out… he managed to have a brief chat(?!) with two heroic characters who knelt at his side somberly mourning his imminent demise without ONCE holding the character accountable for HIS actions.

So in Japan's eyes, there's no such thing as personal responsibility? There's no reason to be held accountable for all the evil shit you do in life as long as you had a horrific past or some measure of trauma? Is morality like some intangible credit program?

Anime is the epitome of action, style, drama combined and as a genre it holds the yoke to a larger audience than that of its entire home country (Japan, not Korea where it's ACTUALLY animated) now, but with its commercial success the writing and genius that made anime so amazing has died out and become a cookie-cutter industry making half-assed products that put their predecessors to shame.

You may wonder just what the hell I'm asking for? Well, I'm not asking for much. I just want people's deaths to mean as much as their lives. I want writers to really consider the factor of humanity into what they create and I'd like to care about characters again. It's not impossible, Fullmetal Alchemist had an appropriately complicated plot with villains as likeable as the heroes and it constantly forced our wide-eyed young heroes to choke back their tears to walk a path of grey that made them more intriguing characters every step of the way. It can be done. Quality products last longer than piles of shit, Fullmetal Alchemist was SO well received they had to bastardize it as much as possible by milking it with a spinoff series much like Dragon Ball Z Kai and the recent Slayers series.

Creative bankruptcy is ravaging the economy as much as financial drought. Studios and their parents corporations need to reconsider some of stuff they churn out if only so long as to consider if they're creating job security for themselves or jumping right into the toilet. Think a bit about what you're doing before you do it. Just THINK.

Dragonball Z is absolute horse crap, but there's a reason it went on FOREVER and was recently resurrected as a zombie. It's not because Akira Toriyama can't write (because he's a hack writer and an artist so high on cocaine that even his art screams "REHAB!"), but the mere personality of his art and characters possessed such incredible charisma that it devoured everyone it touched in any country it's translated in. Dragonball is fun, it's classic action with adventure with heroic heroes and devious villains. It doesn't require an ounce of thought because it's pure entertainment with fighting that constantly runs the risk of burning itself out as they go from laughing off bullets to casually using the sun like a folding chair as a wrestling prop.

Stuff like FLCL, Dead Leaves, Gurren Lagann, and Panty & Stocking w/ Garterbelt are gaining in popularity and there's a reason for it. They look AWESOME for one and they're not afraid to take chances. Lots of stuff makes no sense, but they don't give a crap because they're telling a story THEIR way. It's berserk enough to make one froth at the mouth, but it makes Dragonball Z look like as serious as a college thesis.

How can weird ass shows like FLCL connect with anyone? Easy!

1) They connect visually with the audience: The moment you wonder what the hell is going on, you're trapped gazing into their works of madness. It's too late to look away, you're already wondering if that robot is eating a monster, if a guy's eyebrows are made of seaweed, how someone can be stabbed with underwear or what the hell is wrong with a woman's eyes you're practically their plaything and they know how to keep you watching.

2) They keep it simple: A good complicated story is the mark of genius writing, but it's difficult to keep that kind of pace in such a competitive industry! So they find one simple theme and ride it into the ground with unyielding brutality, but they have enough brains to weave it into the narrative than make it one 26-episode diatribe about big drills or shiny guitars, instead it's a fight for genetic survival with the spiral of fate and a long sought symbol of power that draws cosmic forces so powerful they threaten to wipe out existence. See what they did there? They created AWESOME from a nothing more than a prop concept.

3) They draw on humanity: Real human emotions drive drama! Writing that someone feels guilt in something like Claymore is different than SHOWING someone feeling guilty in Gurren Lagann, ditto for showing that someone loves another character, but can't express it out of a childish sense of shyness and fear like in FLCL as opposed to THOUSANDS of anime out there. The Gainax amalgamation making these treasures isn't TELLING you a damn thing, they're showing you what's happening and keeping you attached to the characters in direct spite of the batshit things occurring in front of you and that means a lot when they go through the trouble of conveying emotions rather than telling you through clumsy dialogue.

I know, some of you are begging me to stop, but the house that Evangelion built is the BEST example of fresh creativity on the market. They do whatever the fuck they want. Maybe you missed that last comment, THEY DO WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT and they still manage to make fistfuls of yen while collecting accolades, applause and fandom by producing bizarre original works. They kill ANYONE they feel like and it works as though they were humans instead of a bunch of lifeless puppets and it sticks because they have a functional narrative flow. Good guys, bad guys, civilians caught in the middle are all on the menu and after they're dead there's drama to be discussed and it's always powerful, intense stuff that makes you FEEL things no matter how weird the premise giving gravity to the events occurring.

Most anime deaths end up being lazy moments of poor, misguided writing. A character lay dying and suddenly a story will take a break to catch its breath, the same character who is dying (with their throat ripped out sometimes) is suddenly so talkative that everything comes to the surface for the duration of half an episode or more. I understand wanting to give an audience a chance to say goodbye, but fuck you.

The point of a character's death is to fortify a purpose in the cast to propel a story forward, NOT to slow things down to screeching halt so they can whip out the family album and it is certainly not to sit there dicking around in mourning with a dangerous villain still standing there reloading for another killshot since everyone's conveniently in one place. Even if the villain is chased off or runs away laughing or whatever, stopping the show in a way that puts story progression on hold is the option of the lame.

Here's a positive example: In Gurren Lagann the first major death is one that defines the rest of the series as it is constantly referred to, but it's actually the catalyst that changes everything: Loss is only the beginning of their problems as our heroes fumble around in the dark working through pain, anger and frustration as power struggles ensue to fill a vacuum that our primary hero is too afraid to fill.
 Granted, this loss also makes for a lot of screwing around (fixing stuff, meeting new faces, growing up), but events HAPPEN and they happen fast on both sides as our heroes grow in dramatic ways you can SEE while they work towards something better. This particular guy's death turns out to be almost more important than his life was because it inspires a movement bigger than himself and that's truly epic. Hell, I'm still coming to grips with the fact that they killed him and I didn't even CARE about the guy!

If a character's death can't mean as much as their life within the scope of the story then why should any of these characters bother living? Just get your shit together Japan and stop making it hard to enjoy new anime.